You can only trust yourself to represent you in court after pooping out stolen Tiffany diamonds

Who could forget the story about the man claiming to be the assistant of an Orlando Magic player who stole more than $700k in jewelry? He captivated the country for two weeks last spring after swallowing the stolen goods.

Why two weeks? Because that's how long it took for nature to run its course and for the police to retrieve the expensive earnings he had ingested.

Jaythan Lawrence Gilder, a reported convicted felon with a lengthy rap sheet, was taken to the VIP room of a Tiffany and Co.