Practicing Vulnerability: A Black Man’s Struggle Toward Understanding and Belonging

Photograph by Nathaniel St. Clair

From an early age, most boys absorb the message—whether stated directly or modeled by the men and women in their lives—that to be a man is to be tough.

I learned that early. In my household, crying got me grounded or spanked, or both. And, of course, I was expected not to cry about the punishment. The older I got, the less that punishment mattered. I became numb to the pain, cut off from the hurt and sadness I felt. Eventually, I learned to express myself through anger.