Navy admits it’s been making up enlisted ranks this whole time

WASHINGTON — At a press conference today, Adm. Daryl Caudle, Chief of Naval Operations, revealed that the U.S. Navy’s enlisted ranks were, in fact, entirely made up.

“Gotcha,” Caudle said.

Flanked by grinning senior Navy leaders, Caudle explained that the service’s bewildering enlisted hierarchy — long a source of confusion for the other branches — was actually a prank as old as the nation itself. An accompanying press release from the Office of the Naval Historian stated that the...