The Men of The Valley, Ranked From Bad to Worst

Photo-Illustration: Vulture; Photos: Getty

Watching The Valley is like visiting a sprawling botanical garden filled with every species of locally grown douchebag. Here we have a Jesse flower in full bloom, calling his ex-wife some derogatory term for a sex worker. Here we have a Jason flower, turning itself fully and completely toward the Janet sun. Here we have a thorny, overgrown Jax weed, stealing nutrients from the flowers around it and then wondering why the other plants didn’t check on it while it was in rehab.