Trump declines parade march, citing sudden bone spur flare-up

WASHINGTON — President Donald J. Trump announced today he will not be marching in Saturday’s march to honor the Army’s 250th anniversary, citing a sudden and severe resurgence of bone spurs— a condition historically known for flaring up at the exact moment when patriotism becomes physically demanding.

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“Believe me, nobody respects the troops more than I do,” Trump said while mid-swing on the back nine. “But the bones in my feet — and they’re some of the best bones, really — are under siege.