T-Mobile Park Revealed as Severed Floor

Steven Bisig-Imagn Images

Front Office Forgets to Prep for Season, Lose to Marlins 8-4

In a wild turn of circumstances, it was revealed in a press conference today that the Mariners' home ballpark, T-Mobile Stadium, has a severed floor. Some of you may be familiar with the severing process brought to us by the mysterious mega corporation Lumon. The subject of the process can disconnect - or "sever" - from their outside memories and history to do their job more effectively without...