GREG GUTFELD: I've mastered the art of being selfish but becoming a parent has taught me this

So, I'm back. And true, I had a baby. I was out for a month and I have the chewed-up nipples to prove it. Eat your heart out, Mayor Pete. I guess that makes me qualified to run the Department of Transportation. Speaking of trans... any man who thinks putting on a dress in a wig makes you a woman, no way. I was there when that baby popped out, and no dude can do that. You might as well put on a diaper and claim you're a baby or a president. But there are few things worse than someone in the media having a child.