The Onion just bought Alex Jones' conspiracy-pedaling platform Infowars, according to reports.
CNN correspondent Hadas Gold delivered this apparently real news Thursday morning confirmed by the New York Times and an editorial from the satirical news outlet's parody owner Bryce P. Tetraeder.
"Much like family members, our brands are abstract nodes of wealth, interchangeable assets for their patriarch to absorb and discard according to the opaque whims of the market," the editorial stated.