In Foddian hell-platformer Ascending Inferno, Orpheus is a footballer and Eurydice is a football

In case you don't know the headline reference, Orpheus was a mythical Greek musician who famously descended to the underworld to rescue his snake-bitten lover, Eurydice. The underworld's rulers, Hades and Persephone, were massively bummed out by Orpheus's emo lyre-playing, and swiftly agreed to let him lead Eurydice's soul upward to the waking world, with the extremely simple proviso that he not look back at her till they're both on the surface.

Being a love-drunk spannerhead, however,...