Moo Deng sucks, actually

You probably clicked this article to find out why I hate Moo Deng, the actual hippo. So to get this out of the way, no, I'm not deranged enough to hate an animal. But I do hate Moo Deng the viral phenomenon. If you do too, and you're not sure why, you've come to the right place. You are valid and you are not alone.

To understand why this phenomenon activates the buzzkill instincts of those of us in the hater community (or just the hate-curious)...