Peter Rhodes on gritty guano, private palaces and the unexpected utterances of a recreated mammoth

Until today, we are told, the parts of Balmoral now being enjoyed by Joe and Josie Public were the rooms which Prince William's kids, George, Charlotte and Louis, “had the run of, each summer.” If the choice is between three lively royals hurtling through your beloved old home and sending the Ming vases flying, or queues of genteel royalists traipsing quietly in and out, well, it's no choice, is it?